Valon, Alister, and Raphael go to the zoo
by FeatherFuck
Summary: Ever wonder what happened to dartz’s gang after the orecalcose epidemic? Ever wonder what their everyday lives would be like?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Raphael, Valon and Alister go to the Zoo

Summary: Ever wonder what happened to dartz's gang after the orecalcose epidemic? Ever wonder what their everyday lives would be like?

Warning: There is most likely going to be some inappropriate (but funny) humor used in this story do not read if no fun or easily offended. Also I pretty mush bash most of the female characters.

Disclaimer: I do not own yu-gi-oh the show or the characters.

Chapter 1

Raphael slammed the door to his, shared, apartment as he entered. He stomped angrily to the living room while thinking about the job last few job interviews he had failed this morning. After the whole Dartz epidemic he was in need of an occupation and some money would be nice as well.

"What's with all of the noise?" Valon whispered loudly from the couch.

"Valon why are you whispering-" Raphael looked down at Valon and raised an eyebrow. Valon was sitting on the couch cradling a small infant in his arms. "Wow, I leave for just a few hours and you and Alister have to go and defy the laws of nature and have a love child. I see how you are." He said walking into the kitchen.

"Hah, ha, real funny." Valon replied sarcastically following his friend into the kitchen. "I'm watching the little brat so we can have some extra cash because _someone_ in this apartment won't get a job." Valon says rather viciously. Sort of like how a girlfriend would talk to their boyfriend right before a breakup that didn't involve make-up sex later in life.

"Well Excuse me for not selling my soul for a quick buck." Raphael yelled.

"Hey! Who or what goes up Alisters ass in none of our concern!" Valon yelled. There was a moment of Silence before Raphael replied.

"I was talking about you Valon. You hate kids remember. I meant you."

"Oh."

"Well that certainly does explain a lot." Raphael said trying to fill the silence. "Especially where all that money came from. I knew you weren't getting a settlement for a sexual harassment lawsuit." Raphael finished.

"And why is that?" Valon asked.

"Because you're a man whore if anyone felt you up you would like it."

Valon shrugged and knocked on the bathroom door. "Alister are you out of there yet I have to pee!" He shouted through the door.

"I'm doing my hair!" Alister yelled. Suddenly the infant woke up and began to cry.

"Raphael can you handle the child for a while I got to pee." Valon said walking towards the window and opening it.

"Your not honestly going to piss out the window are you?"

"Yes I am."

"But we're on the third floor."

"So?"

There was another moment of silence (besides the loud crying of the child Valon was SUPPOSED to be watching.) Raphael sighed and walked toward the baby as Valon undid his pants.

"I think I see Mai!" Valon yelled "Take that you stupid whore!" Valon yelled as he continued to piss out the window.

"Who's child is this anyway?" Raphael asked as the baby fell asleep again.

"Mai's." Valon replied shortly.

"That brings me back to my whole selling your soul speech."

Valon laughed as he zipped his pants back up. Valon grabbed the newspaper and sat on the couch. "How about we go to the zoo?"

"What?" Alister asked emerging from the bathroom after countless hours on his hair. "Why would we do that?"

"Because it's entertaining and free." Valon replied

"I could entertain you!" Alister replied.

"I know but as much as I appreaciate being sucked off I would like to do something somewhat productive."

Raphael stayed silent. He must have been out looking for a job more often then he thought.

"Fine whatever."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Hey look its Raphael!" Alister yelled pointing to a small parrot with feathers on the back of its head that were a bright yellow and resembled Raphael's hair. Alister and Valon broke into hysteria.

"You got that one right mate." Valon shouted through fits of laughter in his Australian accent.

"Are you the crocodile hunter?" A small child asked referring to Valon. Valon stopped laughing and turned to the child and stated calmly.

"No mate I don't hunt crocodiles I hunt little brats who can't keep there mouths shut. The child instantly went pale and ran off. The whole group began to laugh.

"Hey Raphael you could work here for a living." Alister joked.

"Not funny Alister." Raphael responded.

"Hey guys want to go see an animal show."

"Sure."

The group walked off to the show. They were quick to start conversation.

"What ever happened to Dartz anyway?" Alister asked.

"I heard he got put in a mental hospital somewhere."

"Well it's not like none of us didn't see that coming." Raphael commented. They all agreed and the animal show began.

"Before the show begins we would like to ask you all to turn off your cell phones and no cameras should be taping at this time." A voice over the speaker said.

"Am I crazy or did that voice sound familiar?" Alister asked.

"Both." Valon replied. As the lights for the show came up an all too familiar figure came onto stage. Dartz stood center stage holding a microphone. It was no clear he had a job narrating a pet show. The three immediately started laughing.

"This is better than cable!" Valon shouted. Laughing himself to tears.

The show continued but not without the loud comments of Valon and Alister soaring through the audience.

"And now Pongo the flying monkey shall perform-"

"Hah, do you like playing with your monkey Dartz!" Valon cut of Dartz from the audience. Dartz seemed to fume at the comment but the monkey just sat down playing with a beach ball set a few feet from Dartz.

"Hey Raphael check it out doesn't that monkey remind you of Alister?"

"How so?" Raphael questioned.

"It's a monkey playing with someone else's balls." Valon said as he and Raphael broke out into laughter.

"Wow Raphael, you laughed did you hurt your self?" Alister questioned.

"Only a little, pretty boy." Raphael shot back.

"Your just jealous because I get more action then you can ever dream about."

"Well, I'm sorry I never dream of being fucked in the ass by someone dressed up as Mickey mouse in the back of it's a small world at Disney Land!"

"You swore you would never tell!" Alister shouted pointing at Valon before pouncing on him. The crowed immediately shifted their attention over to the two fighting friends. As the rolled around on the ground throwing punches at each other (Well Valon was Alister took on a more 'I'll scratch your eyes out' approach.) The crowed gazed in amazement.

"Do you know them?" A stranger asked him

"Yes I do." Raphael said simply there was a moment of silence as between the two as Valon and Alister continued to fight each other.

"Then aren't you going to-"

"Nope." Raphael interrupted. The stranger walked away after another brief moment of silence.

"Stop fiends!" Everyone turned into the direction of the voice. A police officer was running towards them blowing on a whistle. The fighting immediately stopped. Valon had his fist raised about to punch Alister and Alister had a firm grip on Valon's hair. "It would seem that I just broke up a fight between two adults at a children's entertainment animal show."

"No shit captain obvious." Raphael muttered.

"Do you know these hooligans?" The officer asked dangerously.

"Sadly yes." He replied simply.

"Then I have to arrest all three of you!" The officer quickly called in back-up and policemen came from all directions. One was dressed as a tree and another was a six foot tall man with pig-tails posing as a little girl.

"I knew going undercover as a little girl would work."

"Yeah but no one would suspect a tree." The officers complemented themselves grabbing Alister, Valon and Raphael.

"No I don't want to go to prison!" Valon cried

"I'm to pretty for jail!" Alister commented.

"I don't want to be put in a cell with a bunch of sex craving criminals!" Valon shouted.

"Maybe prison is the best thing for us you know to teach us a lesson." Alister states after a short moment of silence.

"Not everyone is used to taking it in the ass Alister." Raphael stated.

"Sucks for you." Alister remarked. With out further conversation the three were shoved into the back of police car and driven down town.

"So I guess were going to jail."

"You bet your sweet ass." An officer from the front remarked.  
As there adventure to the zoo ended not as they had planned it would seem that

Alister, Valon and Raphael are going to jail


End file.
